EDIT: FUCKING HELL this is the SECOND tablet stylus I've lost because the cleaning people have touched my stuff! I don't need this. I really don't. It better be somewhere in this room or I'm going to kill something.
EDIT 2: Why do people think it's a pen, it's obviously not a pen, it doesn't WRITE. Ugh. Found it tho.
Bakuretsucon pics here.
Con was amazing. I met a lot of new awesome people and really enjoyed myself. :) It was also the best responses I've gotten for my costumes, so the positive feedback was very encouraging. Being Riku is always fun for the recognition and the hugs, but Pyjama!Terra was amazing simply because everyone thought it was HILARIOUS. I never expected people to get such a kick out of it. XD Sadly I got no decent pictures of it...it made me look kinda overweight anyway (several layers of fleece will do that) but damn, was it comfy. And my hair was perfect. :D But since I cut it for that, unspiked it looks like a have a bad mullet. XD Ah well, I needed incentive to get a new haircut anyway. It'll be nice to get it really short for my Outward Bound course in January so I don't have to bother with hair clips or anything on the go.
I'm still weirded out by looking in the mirror and seeing myself not blonde
. Buh. I'm kind of anxious to dye it back, but I'm going to wait until right before AB (in March) so it'll be right for Guy.( Cosplay plans )
Other...things....I'm finding it rather hard to color. I love doing lineart, but I lose steam once I start coloring it...this is kind of bad for my portfolio. x.x At least I'm working on more originals.
--note to self: Start writing again, dammit.
Ah....thank god for friends, now I don't have to rant as much here about how much my mom is pissing me off. Thing is, I want to be able to just shrug it off and move on, because I know things will be better once I move out. It's just a matter of time. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Wanted to...talk about Heroes and House but I can't remember what I was going to say. Can you tell I'm tired? I'm not sure how much sleep I'm functioning on. I went to bed at maybe 4am last night, which was probably a bad idea, but I was watching House with my brother. And it was good. And my mom decided to wake me up at 7am to yell at me for "leaving the lights and the TV on all night". Uh-huh. My brother TOLD me to go to bed and stayed up later than I did, yet apparently I'M the one that left the lights on. But for some reason she refuses to believe me. And I'm getting charged extra rent this month for that, and leaving a dirty dish on the table because I was tired and absentminded. And I didn't put the rabbit away because I got home from work at MIDNIGHT and no one was awake to tell me she was out. I was supposed to think of that on my own? I don't need this. I'm human, I make mistakes. I've been making efforts
lately to get my chores done, to talk to my parents about things to encourage communication, because we haven't been talking, and they accused me of being selfish. But every conversation I have with my mom ends up in an argument.
It's like a cycle. I go away or do something fun and then when I get back my mom seems to be trying to make my life a living hell as if to make up for it. There's no REASON for it. If she were a little more laid-back we'd ALL be less stressed. But she has to have everything done RIGHT AWAY and JUST THE WAY SHE WANTS IT or else hell's to pay.
I'm trying to do what I love to get into college, and it's time-consuming and stressful. I'm not a useless, pathetic wreck mooching off my parents because I don't have enough of a spine to go out into the wide world and fend for myself. Yet all the feedback I get seems to be telling me that I am. If I had less self esteem I probably would have killed myself by now.
...and of course I ended up ranting anyway.
It's no wonder that I bury myself in fantasy...mostly, I really don't like real life. It's not interesting. And stressful.
Doesn't help that I had a dream last night that she called me and said everything had turned out all right. And I got to hear her voice. Not that I'll probably ever know what it sounds like. I think I was crying when I woke up.ai wa kaeteyuku
anna ni mo utsukushii hitomi o
wagamama o iu dake no osanago no shisen ni